Mid life.


Because I cannot talk to anyone at work, I am not allowed to have any friends and my friends , so called, have found a way to somehow hurt me I guess I will come back to the blog. I have wanted to write everyday and well, I have also wanted to go to the gym every day this year but that just started yesterday so I guess this is where we are at. Almost mid year, doing that mid life thing well past mid life.

 

I do not know anymore where things are going. Looking back, I always thought I had time to correct my flow and steer my ship in the right direction. Now I am looking back and wondering what the hell just happened in the past few years.

Since 2007 life has been a blur. Grad school was a blur, I don’t remember much of it. The subsequent program and few years, don’t remember anything significant either. Then there is this past 7 years. I really don’t know where any of it has gone. It has all been a haze. I feel like i have been dragged into a foggy marsh and I am unable to wade out of this. It feels like I have been walking for miles but then at the same time it feels like I haven’t moved.

Maybe I have, maybe I am not self aware. I do not know anymore. I feel like I need to escape and I am not sure where or now. I know I have said this before but I feel like I have never been so lost in my life.

One day at a time , I will get thru this. Now if I can pass thru the junction I am in then it will be better.

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