What a week this has been. It has been insightful and this is why – I have never been all in. I always hedge my bets. I play both sides of everything and while I am not going to make excuses about it, I have always been sacred of failure. What’s life without a fall back plan – that is how I lived. I have played one against another, and adeptly at that, long enough to survive and thrive.
One of those things in which I never went all in, is becoming a citizen. This meant renouncing my original one and I was not sold on the idea and nor was I sold on the idea that the unites states presented. The more and more the layers of veneer get stripped away the uglier the reality became. There may be no true utopia I yearn for, there may be no place that I would want to commit to – but if my sister in her bubble like view of the world brings my parents over I will have to commit. There is no turning back, and while the US may be well on its path to being in a praetorian guard phase of the decaying roman empire, I will have to go all in and succeed. I think the time has come, once the planets align I will apply for citizenship.
Another thing I have not gone all in is at work – I have played my director against the staff and the staff against whoever I have had to play them to so that I can hold on to my post as I learn the minutiae of the inner dealings of what I need to do to be successful. It has been akin to playing with fire while doused in gasoline and while the pure chaos and absurdity of it has been exhilarating it has also been tiring. Once Mars is off retrograde on June 29th (not May 29th as I previously stated) I will have to reassess what it is I want to do. At this point, I will have completed a year at my current position and the record of the most years at the post is my current manager at 8. Knowing what I know now, I am impressed by her tenacity, but then again, I do not see myself doing this much longer. I will need to last 5 years, with this firm, another 2.5 are due but in what capacity I am not sure. Only time will tell.
I am rambling now, I should stop. I need to do this more often for it to be therapeutic so I dont go down rabbit holes , like I have tonight.
PS: For me in my birth chart Mars is in Aquarius